August 12, 2005

• childhood memories

  just read through alilaznkid's latest entry and couldn't help but be reminded of the passing of my own grandfathers. my Hawaiian (paternal) grandfather passed away after I graduated from Kamehameha. my Filipino (maternal) grandfather passed away after I earned my B.A. i too, missed their passings. my parents made the decision to not fly me home at the twilight of my grandfathers' lives. their reason? they wanted me to remember my grandfathers when they were healthy, leaving me with childhood memories of eating fuzzy poi with my Hawaiian grandpa and helping my other grandpa feed his fighting chickens. the only regret I have is not being able to say goodbye to them. the lack of closure, really, is what haunts me today. although i attended both funerals, sometimes i still think they're at home with my grandmothers and that one day they'll pick up the phone when I call home, forgetting they've passed on.

  one of the main reasons why i've decided to not to have children is because extended family is so important in the overall development of a child. i think i've turned out alright, but that's because my family grounded me. if i was having problems with my parents, i'd hang out with my grandparents. i'd spend summers in honolulu and on the mainland with my aunts and uncles. go to my aunt and uncle's house after school, where my cousins and auntie wrote and illustrated my own stories, where my uncle taught me astronomy and taught me to appreciate art. my musically gifted dad taught me how to play the guitar and sing. my mother taught me flower arranging and cooking. I'm the product of my family and no matter how much people tell me, "it's your life", it really isn't.

  • 1:58 am
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