it's been awhile since i've been on xanga and suddenly felt horrible about purchasing a lifetime membership and not being on this in like forever.

read a previous post saying i had just dyed my hair black and wished i had a piercing, heavy black eye liner, and black nail polish, just for the hell of it. well, today's one of those days. i have the black nail polish, i've got black eye liner, and although i don't have a piercing, i do have a tattoo and if i really wanted to "fug" it up, i could actually do it.

it's a bit late to actually give it a try and just feel like going to sleep. oh well, i can't say i didn't try to be creative.

Strike a Pose

The weird weather forced me to use Simon as my model. Here's a pic and a link to his modeling portfolio in case any of you want to hire him for print work.

childhood memories

just read through alilaznkid's latest entry and couldn't help but be reminded of the passing of my own grandfathers. my Hawaiian (paternal) grandfather passed away after I graduated from Kamehameha. my Filipino (maternal) grandfather passed away after I earned my B.A. i too, missed their passings. my parents made the decision to not fly me home at the twilight of my grandfathers' lives. their reason? they wanted me to remember my grandfathers when they were healthy, leaving me with childhood memories of eating fuzzy poi with my Hawaiian grandpa and helping my other grandpa feed his fighting chickens. the only regret I have is not being able to say goodbye to them. the lack of closure, really, is what haunts me today. although i attended both funerals, sometimes i still think they're at home with my grandmothers and that one day they'll pick up the phone when I call home, forgetting they've passed on.

one of the main reasons why i've decided to not to have children is because extended family is so important in the overall development of a child. i think i've turned out alright, but that's because my family grounded me. if i was having problems with my parents, i'd hang out with my grandparents. i'd spend summers in honolulu and on the mainland with my aunts and uncles. go to my aunt and uncle's house after school, where my cousins and auntie wrote and illustrated my own stories, where my uncle taught me astronomy and taught me to appreciate art. my musically gifted dad taught me how to play the guitar and sing. my mother taught me flower arranging and cooking. I'm the product of my family and no matter how much people tell me, "it's your life", it really isn't.

food=love

i'm having spaghetti for dinner. meatless red sauce over a bed of spaghetti noodles and a sprinkle of parmesan. YUM! i love italian food. i need to find someone who can cook authentic italian food and i'm not talking about popping open a bottle of Ragu. who said the way to a WOMAN'S heart isn't through her stomach?!!

to all you out there, if I can pass on any valuable advice, i'd tell you to learn how to cook. even if you're not looking for love, at least you won't have to force out a meal from canned meat and would be able to make decent meals for yourself.

just so you know, in ancient Hawai'i, the men did the cooking since there were some sanitary and societal taboos back then with women preparing food. anyway, if that's the case, i'm totally justified in not helping out with dinner every night. score!

xanga revival

yes everyone, i'm making a return to xanga. myspace is much too trendy. too many bells and whistles for me. i especially hate those damned bulletins. anyway, i just want somewhere i can throw out my silly thoughts. please, don't feel obliged to comment. if the spirit moves you though, that's fine, go ahead. i'll welcome it.

so here are my conditions:

1) I'm not talking about work on xanga

2) I don't want people asking me about work

3) I won't do work on xanga, so don't solicit me for help for things at work

4) I'm not writing xanga entries during work

hey! have you all been watching summer TV? my new favorite show is "the closer" on TNT. very cool. still watching "monk" on USA. love that show. finally, i'm hooked on the korean drama, "my name is kim sam-soon". she's the korean bridget jones. too funny. honestly, those are the only 3 things i watch. everything else isn't worth the time.